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Category:Work Jokes - Author:- Contributor:

Interview Don'ts

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asking for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants revealed the following low-lights:

1. ''... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.''

2. ''She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.''

3. ''A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.''

4. ''... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.''

5. ''... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve''

6. ''Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.''

7. ''Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.''

8. ''When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.''

9 . ''At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through his briefcase, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left.''

10. ''... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.''

11. ''Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much.''

12. ''While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.''

13. ''During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.''

14. ''A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: '''Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?' I said, 'I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further.' He promptly responded, 'I am as long as you'll pay me more.' I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.''

15. ''His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.''

16. ''Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.''

17. ''... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.''

18. ''Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.''

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To My Friend... - Contributor:

Joke of the Week

Brooms & Carrotsticks - Contributor:

Bob was joining the army and they were handing out rifles when he arrived, so he got in line. When it got to Bob, they had run out of guns. The man issuing rifles gave him a broom
"This is a magic broom -- point it at anybody, say 'Bangity bangity bang,' and they will die." Bob was really worried because he didn't think it would work, but he got in line for bayonets, thinking he might stand a chance if he could stab them to death. As luck would have it, Bob's turn came and they had ran out.
"Don't worry." said the man issuing them out. "I will give you this magic carrot -- point it at somebody, say 'Stabbity stabbity stab,' and they will die." Now Bob is terrified, going into battle with a broom and carrot, when the sirens go off, signaling invasion. Bob goes out, only to be laughed at by the enemy. One enemy even comes up to him, hoping to get a good shot at him. Well, Bob didn't have anything to lose so he pointed at him and said "Bangity bangity bang!" and the guy fell down dead. He did the same thing with the magic carrot. Amazed at what was happening, he continued to fight. Then, a guy came slowly up to him and he would not die. Bob tried to shoot and stab him, but he wouldn't die. The last words poor Bob heard as he was being trampled over were "Tankity tankity tank."